I’ve always been someone who dreads being alone. Thinking I need someone around me at all times to be happy. But when a week was approaching where I’d be on my own in the van (well with Bruce so not alone at all really!) because George was heading to Canada to visit family for a week I realised something. I was actually looking forward to being alone. I gave it a name to make it seem more like a project, and called it “a week of solitude”. A week I wanted to dedicate to being present in every moment and being happy in my own company.

When George left and I drove to my campsite (a beautiful place in West Yorkshire nestled amongst giant trees) I felt nervous. I only realised at this moment how much I rely on George. And it made me realise I identify myself as being Beth and George, I was no longer just Beth. So to peel myself away from someone I consider to basically be myself was hard! But as soon as I got to the campsite, I realised life doesn’t have to be hard on your own. In fact it can be really fun! Every decision you make is exactly what you want to do. Even something as simple as going for a walk, every different trail I wanted to go down was the trail I chose… well, and sniffer patrol Bruce. But it felt really exhilarating. It’s so easy to default to relying on someone to do certain things but actually you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

So I soon settled into being alone and on days 1 and 2 I found myself constantly planning ahead. What would I do at the weekend? When would I top up water? When would I top up food supplies? Instantly feeling overwhelmed at all these decisions I needed to make alone, I thought back to what I wanted to achieve this week. Be present. So I dropped the future from my head and focused on what was right here, right now. When the time came when I needed water, I’d think about it then, not two days before!

It took a couple of days of constantly directing my mind to the present to start appreciating every moment. Interestingly I also found that I always needed some noise in the background, whether this was music, a podcast, YouTube or Netflix. (YouTube actually made me feel pretty lonely!) It wasn’t until I got better at being present that I realised I didn’t need any background noise. Simply hearing the birds outside or the distant laughter of other campers nearby was enough to bring me joy.

Another big thing I knew I needed to tackle at one point or another (and this was actually a really hard factor that was pulling me back from leaving my job) is being bored. I feel like work is my safety net when it comes to boredom. If in doubt, start thinking about work! But I allowed myself time during the weekend where I had nothing planned. (I’m still at work at this point so my week is consumed by that – only 6 weeks to go though!!) So I experienced boredom and it wasn’t scary at all. It was amazing. I fully switched off, allowed my mind to wander, allowed my mind to be still, and enjoyed watching a Robin eat some oats I’d left out for them.

I think a lot of the time people are actually really scared of their own thoughts. And we often use social media to distract ourselves when our mind starts to become silent. I’ve been there! But there is a real beauty in solitude and finding out who you really are. A time to check in with yourself and see how you’re really doing. Besides, you can only be there for people when you’re being true to yourself.

Few snaps from my week alone!